i’m set adrift on an Ocean

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I had no idea how hard being a parent would be. I admit that.

I, of course, didn’t think it was going to be easy, but I didn’t imagine it would be this physically hard. I love my daughter more than words can express, don’t get me wrong. I just didn’t know my back, and overall body, would be in so much pain between the constant carrying, cradling, rocking, etc., and the sleep deprivation and/or irregular sleep pattern that I’ve been thrown into. We’ve just begun the attempt at sleep training, to help Ocean learn how to sleep through the night. She’s getting better at the longer sleeps, but some nights we regress entirely and I’m left in a “zombie-like” mode, all day.

I have found solace in my two usual loves, philosophy and science. I have a new found addiction to “Ted Talks” so every day on my drive into work, my lunchbreaks, and drive back home, I listen to between 3-5 “Ted Talks” a day. It’s opening my mind up to new concepts, as well as to old concepts I’m already familiar with, which is where I’m getting whatever energy I can muster up to fuel myself on a daily basis, in addition to literal food fuel and the love of my family. That’s what science does for me.

Philosophy helps me in those moments when I’m holding my baby at 4:17AM in pitch black darkness trying to rock her back to sleep, so I can get some rest before having to be up at 7:30AM to get ready to go to work. I think about epistemology, ethics & metaphysics in order to calm myself down, and see the bigger picture. I think about what’s true about the world, in order for me to be standing in my bedroom in the middle of the night rocking my newborn daughter. It’s calming.

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